


come light undying

by chashmish



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Drabble Collection, I don't know how to tag these but they're turning out fluffier than I expected, M/M, various vague AUs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2019-11-07 10:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17958731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chashmish/pseuds/chashmish
Summary: Various Goro/Ren ficlets and moments, brief enough to be compiled together.





	1. chatter chatter

**Author's Note:**

> will be updated intermittently/whenever I get an idea for something short that doesn't fit into any of the longer stuff I'm working on atm lmao. I literally cannot choose between past or present tense sorry

Ren woke, for the second time that morning, to the sound of falling rain. He fumbled for his phone, found it under the couch pillow, and saw that it was approaching nine o'clock.

Ren sat up slowly on the couch, blinking. He had not slept there the night before– had only wandered out into the living room that morning after groggily rising from bed. He must have fallen asleep once more, then. A failed attempt to keep vigil– an unsurprising failure, nonetheless. Ren had never been an early riser.  

He recalled a warm dream, something yellow-tinted and quiet, but the memory of it was fading quickly, and in a moment he gave up trying to force the vision into clarity again. He turned towards the window.

There was nothing there he could see, save for the rivulets of water streaming down the pane and obscuring all else from view. The rain outside was loud and harsh as it assaulted the structure of the building, sounding an unyielding rhythm. Ren frowned slightly.

Despite the steady noise, Ren heard, acutely, the sudden sound of a key turning in the lock on the door.

Ren sat up.

The door swung open and closed just as quickly as the person on the other side let themselves in.

The reason for such haste became evident. Goro was soaked.

Ren grinned.

“Hi,” Goro said flatly, setting his bag down by the door.

“You look like shit,” Ren said fondly.

“And I feel like it too.” But Goro smiled a tired smile.

Ren stretched out his arms imploringly.

“I’m _wet_ ,” said Goro, and disappeared into the bedroom without further comment.

Ren sighed and leaned back on the couch again, folding an arm under his head for support. The rain was still falling noisily, but Ren could hear Goro from the other room. Ren’s lips turned up in an unconscious smile as Goro’s voice rose and fell, tone changing as he narrated his efforts to find a new shirt. He spoke distantly of being held up by the weather, of the crowds on the train during the journey home. He said something about needing to do the laundry. Ren closed his eyes.

It felt like only a moment later when a voice next to him– Goro’s voice– chided “Hey.”

Ren opened his eyes.

Goro was standing next to the couch, wearing a dry shirt and raising a brow. He had pulled his hair back with a tie, but it still looked darker, rain-battered and wet. Poor, umbrella-less Goro. “Are you listening?”

Ren grinned. “Always,” he said.

Goro leaned down and reached out with a hand. He brushed back Ren’s bangs, away from his eyes, and slowly moved to cup Ren’s cheek.

For a short, quiet moment, they only looked at each other. Goro left his hand lingering on Ren’s cheek for a second, before giving his face a last, gentle stroke and pulling away.

Then Goro sighed and threw himself down on the couch. Ren shifted, moving around to position himself. He rested his head on Goro’s chest until he could hear the sound of Goro’s heart, beating steadily, louder than the rain, closer than everything.

“Checking for signs of life?” Goro said dryly.

“Shut up,” Ren said simply. Goro said nothing in reply, but Ren could almost hear him smirk.

Ren closed his eyes again.

“It really is awful outside,” said Goro.

After a moment he felt Goro’s fingers brush gently through his hair.

Then Goro began to speak. His trip had gone well. They were probably going to sign the contract. He’d missed Ren. The WiFi at the hotel had been lacking, the complimentary breakfast a slight consolation.

Goro had only been a few days missing, but the apartment had been so silent. There was nothing to fill the void save for the sound of the rain and the inadequate melodies drifting from Ren’s record player. He couldn’t hear any of the songs anymore without remembering how Goro always sung along, unconsciously, jumping in under his breath after a verse or two. He never noticed until Ren stopped to listen, and then he’d close his mouth at once, embarrassed.

Ren had always been watchful, had always waited to use his voice. But Goro, determined Goro, liked only the kind of silence he could fill without reservations. It was a way they were opposites, one more way. It was a good thing.  

Ren’s thoughts grew muddled as his eyelids grew heavier. Bad WiFi. He needed to replace the needle on the player. Goro’s hands in his hair. The yellow dream from earlier...

Goro’s voice gradually lost some of its clear pointedness. His tone turned into a murmur Ren could barely make out over the rain. But it was hard to understand much of anything, anyway; sleep was pulling Ren along, promising a journey into a welcoming abyss. So Ren let himself succumb– as long as he could still hear Goro’s voice, he wouldn’t be going too far. He had never been a morning person.


	2. bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fireworks

Goro makes him want to understand math– Ren thinks that’s what it is. He thinks it, absurdly, because they are seated so closely on this hill, upon the grass, with the heavy hot air of the summer night and the colors blooming in the sky. Because Ren is sprawled out, languid and lazy perhaps even a little arrogant, he knows, because he is aware of his youth, aware of it the same way he hears clearly the children shouting distantly and the excited murmurs every time there’s another _pop,_  another distant celestial burst of light and color. Because Goro, who takes care always to be careful, is sitting there with his knees pulled up to his chest, and he looks so nice today and Ren can smell the cologne he always wears and there is a distance of one inch between them, between their shoulders where they are so close.

Just one inch. If Ren turns himself a little further, if he says he wants to get a better view, maybe, he’ll close it, and they will be connected at that one singular point. It’s charged with the same kind of spatial potential as the distance between their lips, which always seems so, so short when Ren tells Goro _good night_ or when he sees him for the first time that day. Ren really, really wishes he was better at math, because the problem of Goro always compels him to figure probability, construct theorems, reconcile _x_ and _y,_ all for the sake of a single inch.

So! He’s hover-handing, again. Goro’s still watching the fireworks, with the expression of vague dreamy attention he only gets when he’s forgotten he’s being watched, and he doesn’t notice Ren, the picture of incompetence, surely, trying to find the best way to let his fingertips make contact with Goro’s shoulder. Naturally. Almost like an accident. A little coincidence.

That is, he doesn’t notice until he does, when he shifts a little and Ren’s hand bumps against his back.

He turns, sharply, to look at Ren, and Ren feels a rush of sheepish embarrassment and for a moment is too worried about how he’s possibly just broken the spell to find his words.But the second before he opens his mouth to say _sorry,_  Goro is smiling, suddenly, and then he is moving, shifting himself exactly one inch closer and leaning his head on Ren’s shoulder and they are warmly pressed together, side to side, all at once.

“Guh,” Ren says, or something, and Goro laughs, gently, and a grin overwhelms Ren’s mouth, a wide grin that is a little giddy, and a little arrogant, because he knows he is young. So he relaxes, and he drops his hand to curl around Goro’s waist and pull him even closer, and when Goro sighs a contented sigh Ren can feel his own breathing even. Another firework goes off, and the sound and sight of it reminds Ren he is alive.


	3. listen

Wide awake. Ren could have slept if he tried, but his heart wasn't in the attempt. Instead his eyes fell on the light coming through his window, falling in rectangular bars on his bedspread.

A red light, indicating an unimpeded process of charging, blinked coyly from his phone over on the bedside table. He gave in and reached over, taking it and switching it on.

[01:33] **Ren** : are you awake

He locked the phone again and let it fall on his chest, his mind wandering for a few minutes until it suddenly vibrated harshly and he scrambled to grab it.

[1:40] **Goro** : I am.

Ren pressed the _call_ button.

He only had to listen to a dial tone for a moment before Goro picked up. "It's not healthy to keep this habit, you know."

Ren bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling too widely. "Touché. What are you doing?"

"Reading."

"Don't tell me about your philosophical books; I'll fall asleep."

"No, I'm reading on my laptop. An article online. This says–" Goro made a softly irritated _tsk_ noise. "Listen to this. This is a longform piece about how millennials are purportedly killing the soy sauce industry."

Ren laughed. "Soy sauce?"

"Yes. There's an interview with a restaurant owner, another one from a supplier– I can't believe this. They'll pay anyone to write nowadays."

"And why exactly are you reading this?"

Ren heard Goro make a brief, annoyed _huff_ noise. It was one of Ren's favorite Goro noises. "I don't know. I had nothing better to do, so I was browsing one of my least favorite websites."

Ren rolled over on his side, phone still pressed to his ear, grinning madly. "You're telling me you hateread stupid articles online when you can't sleep?"

"Oh, please, Ren."

"It's not healthy to keep that habit, you know. Raises your blood pressure."

"You're so annoying," Goro muttered.

Ren laughed. He felt remarkably content.

"When can I see you next?" Goro said abruptly.

Ren smiled. He was sure Goro could hear it in his voice. "See me tomorrow. See me right now. Whenever you want."

"Ah, so you won't have any objections if I ride my bike over to your place at two in the morning."

"No, don't ride your bike." Ren shifted in his sheets. "It's too dorky; you'll get mugged."

"My bike isn't _dorky_."

"It has a basket."

"Which is _useful_ , and I'll have you know that the gears are–"

Goro went on about fancy bike features for a minute until Ren was forced to concede.

"You should get a little bell," he couldn't help but add.

"Shut up." Goro was starting to sound sleepy. Ren wouldn't be getting any more good comebacks out of him tonight.

"Ren," Goro said.

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you call?"

"Oh, you know." But Ren knew what Goro was expecting. He wouldn't want to make him wait. "Hey, want to hear a story?"

"Mm." An automatic affirmative.

"Okay." Ren smiled and thought back to what he'd been daydreaming about earlier that day. "Picture you're standing on a beach. Are you picturing it?"

"Mm."

"Alright. You're on a beach, looking out into the ocean. In the distance there's a small black dot. And it's getting larger and larger, gradually closer and closer. As it comes nearer to shore you can see the top of a sail."

"No pirates," Goro mumbled sleepily. "Honestly."

"Yeah, yeah, no pirates this time." Ren grinned. "A ship is coming, approaching steadily…"

And Ren kept talking, telling his tale, until he could hear Goro's breathing even, and even after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a hc that Ren tells Goro stories before they sleep but I haven't been able to work it into any other fic for some reason aaargh!!
> 
> phones b/c I fetishize passionate melancholy distance


	4. calling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the topic of this one is ironic bc I'm writing it at 3 am, just as ungodly of an hour as I have for all the others, which is why several so far seem to hinge on sleep or sleepiness,

Waking is always such an ordeal for him, isn't it? From unsettling dreams to uncaring world, from undemanding sleep to uncaring alarm clock, from unconsciousness to– okay, this is new– the decidedly  _ unwelcome _ feeling that he just got hit by a truck.   
  
Goro wakes up in a spectacularly cantankerous fashion, with jolting and bleariness and a bad taste in his mouth. He feels bone-tired, completely exhausted– odd since he can tell the sleep he's just left was deep. 

But how did he get here?   
  
"Oh, he's–" someone says loudly, and then someone else says  _ shush _ , and then there's hushed silence for a moment before a tentative name is called. 

"Goro?"   
  
"What am I–" Goro mumbles, and scowls weakly as his eyes open wider. White walls, white sheets, all chalky blankness. "Why?" He really doesn’t fucking like hospitals.    
  
"You collapsed. Exhaustion," says Futaba, shushee.    
  
"Good morning," says Ren, shusher.    
  
Ren's by his side, close enough so that his arm brushes the edge of the sheets on the hospital bed, and Futaba's sitting on her own chair at the end of it. Goro looks at her, and she waggles her eyebrows at him.   
  
Exhaustion? Oh, wait, fuck, he remembers now. Yes, he had to pull a few consecutive all-nighters, but he had a deadline coming up, and–      
  
"I can't believe you, you know," Ren says, and Goro looks over, and Ren is– oh. Ren is  _ livid _ , actually, if Goro is reading the crossed arms and deep frown correctly.    
  
"You can't do shit like this," Ren says.   
  
"Hey, c'mon," Futaba says quietly. The both of them look over at her. "He didn't do it on purpose."   
  
"Sorry, I just– sorry." Ren forces a smile that, after a moment, begins to look more natural. "Welcome back to the land of the living."    
  
"How long have you been here?" Goro frowns at the IV attached to his wrist. "How long was I–"

"You've been out for…" Futaba consults her phone. "Fourteen hours." She glances at Ren. "He's been here for most of that. Made a McDonalds run or two."   
  
Fourteen hours? "Should've gone home," Goro mutters. "Both of you."   
  
"But then how would I be able to stare at your unconscious face?" Ren cuts in. He still sounds mad, but like he's unwinding a little from the height of his rage.    
  
Then the words sink in. Goro definitely looks gross. And in front of Ren, too. Great. Fantastic. He stares morosely at the ceiling.    
  
Ren isn't looking at him right  _ now,  _ though, Goro notes when he sneaks a glance at him. It's apparently been hard for Ren to look straight at him for this whole conversation, actually. Fuck. Is he really that upset?    
  
"I'm gonna go get a soda," Ren says abruptly, and exits the room.    
  
Damn it. It's… nice, to know Ren cares about Goro taking care of himself, but Goro feels awful anyway. He prepares to sink back into the familiar pit of self-loathing, but the second Ren's gone Futaba leans forward. "You said his name," she says.   
  
"...What?"   
  
"In your sleep. You said his name." She's smirking. "Actually, a bunch of times."   
  
"Oh, God," Goro says, with mounting horror.    
  
"The first time it was kind of awkward," Futaba continues, "but it wasn't that obvious so we just ignored it. Then you did it again, though, and he went all blushy and blotchy–"    
  
"God," Goro says helplessly again.    
  
"It was pretty funny," adds Futaba.   
  
"What did– what else did he do?!"   
  
Futaba shrugs. "Umm, I made fun of you and he told me to shut up, and then he just brought his chair up closer to you and looked all tense and moody and stared at you for a while. Oh, and he held your hand."   
  
"He held my–" Goro sputters, but then they hear the door open again and Ren's walking in, holding a can of soda.

"I'm back," he says unnecessarily.

Futaba gives Goro a look that tells him exactly how pathetic she thinks he is before standing up herself. "Actually, I need more McDonalds."

"Oh," Ren says. "You don't want me to come and order for you?"

Futaba's eyes widen slightly in fear, but she says, "I'll be fine!" Then, to Goro, "You owe me."

"Huh? Why would he–"

"Bye," Futaba says, and leaves. 

Ren takes his place at the chair by Goro's side again. They're silent for a moment. 

"I'm sorry for making you worry," Goro says.   
  
"If you're really sorry, you won't do it again."

"I won't." Goro sighs. "I suppose I don't know my own limits as well as I should."

"Yeah." Ren frowns at him. "You aren't a machine."

"I know." Goro hesitates. "You were really here? All this time?"

Ren reddens and shifts in his chair. "I mean, yeah. Well. Yeah."

Something wells up inside of Goro, a shred of hope he'd long abandoned.  _ He held my hand.  _ Damn it. Why did it have to happen while he was unconscious?!

...Well.

Maybe it doesn't just have to be that way.

Slowly, Goro reaches out his left hand, the one without the IV and the bracelet, and places it close to Ren on the sheet, palm facing upward.

He can't bring himself to look at Ren just yet, so he turns his head to the side and tries to squash the butterflies in his stomach. God. He's starting to sweat.

After a pause, he feels Ren's hand slip into his.

He really hopes Ren isn't looking at the heart monitor right now. He can't control it– his lips curve up in a small smile.

This might just have been worth the hospital bill. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unconscious name-saying is my fav trope


	5. salve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't sleep again okay this takes place in the AU I have realized I'll never write fully, in which Akechi is a bratty rich kid in college failing most of his classes because of depression-induced hedonism and Ren is the long-suffering, very tired student enlisted to tutor him. god help them

To avoid thinking about his discomfort Ren is staring at the perfectly-folded collar of Akechi's shirt, which is probably designer-brand and starched and prim-looking and all the adjectives Ren would normally associate with Akechi when he's not crying. 

Because Akechi is crying, even if it's mostly silent sobs and he's covering his face. Occasionally, he betrays the truth of this fact through surreptitious sniffing. 

Next to him, Ren shifts awkwardly. He's always been bad at comforting people in moments of abject distress. The temptation to focus on easier, banal truths, like how his knees are starting to hurt from all the time they've spent crouched on the floor, and like how wow Akechi's shirt collar really fits perfectly around his neck, is strong. He tries to think of something to say. 

Unexpectedly, Akechi speaks first. "I fucked up," he says, voice muffled and clouded by tears. 

It's not the first time he's heard Akechi swear but this is the most dramatic instance. Or the most somber. Ren leans in close; they're not even an inch apart now, pressed side-by-side despite all the space there is on this wall. "Hey," he tells Akechi, whose face he still can't see. He pauses after the brief interjection. What can he follow it with? Nothing comes to mind. 

Akechi turns his head slightly and lets one of his hands slip so Ren can see a single red-rimmed eye. "I could have disowned him," he says, voice sounding strangled. "It was entirely possible– Oh, it would have been _harder_ for me, but so what? So _what?_ " 

He sob-laughs and drops his hands. Ren can't tear his eyes away from Akechi's tear-stained face, so total in its misery. 

"Could have refused his money," Akechi murmurs brokenly. He's sitting with his hands clasped in his lap and his legs spread out, though Ren is still crouching. His gaze is fixed on the floor. "I could have worked, saved up for an apartment– put myself through college myself. But now I'm in his debt. In his _pocket._ "

"You were–" Ren finds his voice. "It wouldn't have been easy. I'd have done the same."

Akechi shakes his head fiercely, back and forth, and Ren tries not to think about how cute the gesture is at a time like this. "You don't have _him_ for a father. Don't you see? Nothing I do now is _mine._ "

That's why, Ren thinks. Why Akechi, the most intelligent person Ren knows, has been slacking off and turning in papers late and going to more parties than it should even be possible to find on campus in a week. 

"Oh my God, I hate my dad," Akechi says suddenly, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence, and then he's crying again, rapid, angry tears. He turns his face away.

Having readjusted his own sitting position to a criss-cross-applesauce type of deal Ren is able to take one of Akechi's hands and pull it into his own lap. He immediately feels like an idiot after he does it but a moment later Akechi's shoulders seem to start shaking less. Panicking slightly, Ren runs his thumb over Akechi's knuckles and tries to act like he knows what he's doing. 

They sit like that for a moment. When Akechi looks down again Ren can see his profile clearly, the sad line of his mouth and his downturned eyes, and is suddenly struck, at that moment, by the realization that he wants Akechi very badly.

Why is he realizing this _now?_ He's seen Akechi's charm turned up megawatt-high before, seen him so much more put-together and elegant and attractive, and it's only when he's bawling his eyes out that Ren has his little lightbulb moment. God. He has no idea what that says about himself. 

Anyway, he has to say something. "If it, uh, makes you feel better," Ren says. "Everyone hates their dad. Well, most people, I think."

Akechi actually laughs, which makes Ren smile. "Fantastic," he says. "You're just an old hand at comforting people, Ren."

"Sorry."

"No," Akechi murmurs. "That's not true. _I'm_ sorry. You're being very…" He looks at Ren, and Ren can see his Adam's apple move clearly as he swallows. "Thanks."

They look at each other for so long that Ren can feel himself start to turn red. 

And then Akechi says, abruptly, "I want you to kiss me."

"I– uh– sorry?" Ren says, and then his mouth is moving faster than his brain. "Not _now_ , not when you're–"

"Oh, please," Akechi says, impatient. "I'm hardly _impaired._ Just… weepy. Which will soon pass. And I want to be kissed. So." He looks defiantly at Ren. "Don't make me ask again."

"Technically you didn't ask," says Ren. Then he lunges forward and kisses Akechi with as much immediate force as possible without breaking either of their noses. 

Akechi is just as eager; Ren can tell by the way he responds with his tongue and his hands. Was he waiting for this? Ren was definitely waiting for this. He just didn't realize he was until it happened.

Rational thought and time slip away until suddenly the spell is broken by the sound of someone going "Ah- _hem._ "

He and Akechi pull away immediately. Standing above them, a campus security guard looks unimpressed. "This building closes in five minutes."

"Right," Ren says, scrambling to his feet. "Thanks."

Akechi follows, more slowly, and the security guard moves on. Akechi watches him go, and says, offhandedly, "I could have him fired."

Ren gives him a sidelong glance. 

Akechi puts his hands up. "Only joking."

They leave the building. Outside it's chilly and the light from streetlamps gives Akechi's face a pale glow. Ren watches him sigh and dab at his eyes. 

"Hey, I'm…" Ren begins, and Akechi fixes the full force of his gaze on him immediately. 

Ren swallows, forgets what he was going to say, and improvises. "I'm… here." He spreads his arms wide and then, feeling foolish, drops them. "Just… for you. Whenever."

Unexpectedly Akechi smiles a small smile. "Thank you. I… Thanks."

"Yup," Ren says. He scratches the back of his head. 

"Right," Akechi says. "Well, I should…"

"Yeah, me too."

"Well then," Akechi says, and before Ren can react he steps forward and kisses Ren's cheek. Then, pulling away, he turns to leave, his pace quick as he heads in the direction of his apartment. "Goodnight," he calls over his shoulder.

Too stunned to respond, Ren stands there, mouth agape. 

It's always Akechi, he reflects. It always is. 


End file.
